feedback the feedback

I was struck by this quote the other day:

"If you are going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh; otherwise, they'll kill you."
-George Bernard Shaw

Yo, lemme tell you - GBS knew what was up. This quote sticks with me for so many reasons - direct feedback is hard - hard to give, hard to take, hard to listen to, and, as I'm noticing, hard to write about. Indirect feedback? Well, that's just annoying feedback.

I grew up an only child. My cousins were always over, the children of my dad's younger sister, and they were - and will always be - my surrogate siblings. But, let's be real - there were some long stretches where it was...just me. I guess that's why I'm who I am.

As an only child, I often had to be occupied. I was pretty good at occupying myself, don't get me wrong, but there were times when I sought out my parents. My dad had this thing called a dictophone. Let me give you some background: the dictophone was invented as a secretarial aide, so that busy and important people could dictate their notes and then type them at leisure. Thus, my father realized that an excellent way to occupy my time was to set me up in the upstairs attic and let me talk to myself for hours on that dictophone.

Ok, before you jump to conclusions about my childhood and the trauma a child might experience from being thrown in an attic and forced to talk to herself for hours, let's remember who I am. It wasn't exactly abuse to sequester me somewhere and make me run my mouth for an extended period of time. Also, our attic wasn't an attic like in "Bride of Chuckie," it was more of a renovated big room upstairs. You did have to climb a ladder to get to it, though.

Anyway - so this concept of feedback? I never got any on those tapes. There was simply a period in my life where I made them, and then it was over. I hope my dad threw them away. Knowing my mom, she probably has them locked up somewhere, and if I know my mother, that "somewhere" is the cabinet in our dining room. God knows what I said on those things. I'm pretty sure I just babbled for hours on end about veritably nothing or listed tidbits of scatalogical humor. My poor parents probably threw me up there so that I wouldn't talk at THEM for all those hours. And imagine my shock when, come middle school (when even I knew that talking to yourself in an attic on a dictophone wasn't cool), no one wanted to listen to me dominate a conversation for more than 5 minutes. I adapted quickly. Grades 5-8 I was a pretty quiet child, something no one can really fathom now.

This explains so many things:
1. Why I used to have (and often still do have) serious issues weaving a story with a real plot and semblance of any structure whatsoever, much less a beginning and end.
2. Why I often feel an inexplicable urge to take over a conversation.
3. Why I get antsy when I'm silent.
4. Why I need to listen to music to replace silence a lot.
5. Why I'm now writing this (let's face it: this is 2010's dictophone, is it not?)

And, finally, imagine the cruel twist of fate experienced by your humble narrator when, as a 6th grader, a horse kicked me and shattered all 40 of my knuckles (yup, the uppers and lowers) and forced me to spend May and June of 1996 in full-on stump hand casts. Comical, right? Yeah, it was fucking hilarious.

Guess what I took my exams on. Guess, my friends, what my 6th grade Social Studies teacher, that sadist, had me map Africa with. Yes, map Africa. Orally. Latitude, longitude, lakes, rivers, cities, every country, etc. With a dictophone. It should be noted that my ELA/Humanities behemoth of a final project was essentially a memoir. I received an 'A', and I'm pretty sure it was because my teachers huddled around the tape player and all just experienced massive ear hemorrhages simultaneously.

"Shut it off! Shut it off!" I can picture them screaming.
"Give the child an 'A'," they yell in unison.

And this, friends, is why I now leaving singing voicemails on my managers' phones.

This week's lineup:

1. "Turn It Up" by The Feeling


The Feeling is a band out of the UK (that's right, an import) circa 2006. You probably grouped them with Keane, maybe a little Rooney for you people in the USA. I personally don't REALLY see the Rooney reference, but I'll give it to you purely because they're a little alt-pop with some punk influence. This song is catchy, and I'm down with that at this point in my life. You could run to this song, and that's cool. Also check out, "Never Be Lonely" and "Sewn."

2."The Difference Between Us," by The Dead Weather


I mean, I guess I can understand the haunting "7 Nation Army" sound this has, given that Jack White is a quarter of this supergroup that kinda came out of nowhere. I love it, but at the same time, I wish they'd done something even more different.

3. "Flagpole Sitta," by Harvey Danger


Shit, but this is a hard song to get! You have to buy the whole ALBUM on iTunes just to hear this one single! But it's really good. What kills me is that I totally bought the album 12 years ago, when I was 14. Now, I have to buy it again?

Turns out my iTunes is a real motherfucker - they don't even sell the original album (Where have all the merrymakers gone?). You have to buy it through purchase of the "Scooby-Doo 2" soundtrack. Which, actually, I'll tell you, isn't all that bad now that I'm eyeballing it. I'm still wondering though, iTunes, what's really good with no original Harvey Danger in your lineup?

That's all for now guys. Enjoy, feedback some feedback.