On Friday, I went to a quaint little wine tasting at my friend's apartment in Alphabet City in the CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS.
I rated 5 wines. It went something like this: I'm mildly allergic to red wine. Like, I can have a glass, and what happens is I'm affected more than the average joe. Two glasses? Sayonara. Headaches speak to me in the morning, and who knows what causes that. I also vomit profusely, and in the end I have learned my lesson about red wine, even though I like it. Therefore, most of my reviews were a) written while I wasn't sober and b) started with "I'm allergic to red, but..." I also used a lot of similes that were generally inappropriate. "Warm and rich, like a little grandmother."
Also of note is the fact that I went to karaoke last night with a big group. We went to this downtown place located conveniently near the bar where I worked (and went, at 3:30 AM, to greet all my coworkers, because that's a great idea). It's called Boho Karaoke.
They're doing this half-price special for the month, and so we all got a private room for $5 an hour. What else in NYC is $5 an hour? NOTHING. Of course we did it. Here is a letter I wrote:
Dear Hater-Girl who felt the need to put on blast the fact that she doesn't like it when people who can carry a tune join the karaoke fun,
Get a hate log. Channel that hate into something productive, like writing or picking up trash off the highway. And don't get me wrong, I'm not the world's best singer. But now I can't sing karaoke unless I'm bad at it? In a world where there's so much shit to deal with, hating is just a big waste of time. Notably, everyone else hated her hating and she had to sing by herself. She would stop after each song and ask if it was fun afterwards. I didn't think that was fun. I thought that was strange. Of course singing is fun. And yeah, singing and laughing at yourself is really fun, but so is singing and hearing the notes. Just weird, that chick.
THAT BEING SAID HERE ARE THIS WEEK'S COOL TUNES
Today's Playlist Theme: Good Songs Named After Chicks
Editor's Note: So lots of time people write songs about when they are in love and it's unrequited, or given back, or kinda given back (quasi-requited?), or fucked up. Most of the time, those people are dudes. Writing about girls. Sometimes, SOMETIMES, it's girls writing about guys, but I don't know about you...I find that most music written by ladies having to do with love typically involves getting fucked over. You tell me. And that's not fun to write about.
1. "Anna" - Jupiter One
Have a listen: http://www.amazon.com/Anna/dp/B002NZZDWU
What it says: When a heart gets drunk on a face and some words/then a picture forms, it doesn't take long
Unfortunately, there's no link to this piece, so you will have to settle for a snippet of it on Amazon. It's got this cool '80s thing going on. It's a little kitschy. Sub-genre here is I-Feel-Bad-For-This-Girl rock. It sounds remarkably like Toto's "Rosanna," which is a personal favorite and another clutch song named after a chick. I'm not going to give "Rosanna" a spot on the playlist though, so she's named here and sounds like this song ("Rosanna" is definitely in a different category though). I listened to these guys open for Regina Spektor, and I was impressed. They sound kind of like Phoenix, but a little more LES than French.
2. "Queen Jane Approximately" - Bob Dylan
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbDJi0Egok
What it says: And when all the bandits you turn your other cheek to/Lay down their bandannas and complain/And you want somebody you don't have to speak to/Won't you come and see me, Queen Jane?
Here's the sub-genre of I-Know-Better-Than-You Rock, as in, you think you don't need me, but you totally do because you're too messed up to see what's wrong with you. Originally released as a b-side (I'm still convinced that all b-sides are amazing, just like every second song on every album, pretty much, is amazing. If you made an entire CD of "second songs" - I have - you would believe me), this song dominates. This song has been covered by tons of peeps, including eminent greats like The Grateful Dead (RIP Jerry) and The Four Seasons. It's not a love song. True to form, Dylan invites Jane to come and chill with him and leave her superficial life at the door. And probably do some [lots of] drugs.
3. "For Nancy" - Pete Yorn
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFrx8fSe2fI
What it says: And when you said I could not stay with you/That's not the way you would have wanted to be
Ok, yes, I love Pete Yorn. I think he's amazing. Everytime I go to Starbucks and I see his face on the cover of that CD he made with Scarlett Johanssen, I'm like, shit. Here is a hot guy who will never know I exist. But besides that, he's awesome. Pete Yorn writes great songs about girls and about how much he loves girls, and you gotta give him props for that. Go ahead and categorize this one.
4. "Geraldine" - Glasvegas
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/user/glasvegas?blend=2&ob=1
What this song says:
This one is interesting. It's not exactly love like typical song love, but it's the I'm-Here-For-You Rock. Lady Gaga said these guys were her biggest influence in her most recent interview. Don't really hear it, but I have always thought Glasvegas was wicked good. Also, the lead singer is a carbon copy of Joe Strummer from The Clash, one of the greatest bands of all time. As you may have guessed, if I could go to any time period and listen to music authentically, I would go to 1978 blue-collar England and stay there until 1983. And Glasvegas is getting pretty close to that for me.
5. "Bryn" - Vampire Weekend
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFi4E9Wun7E
What this song says: Ion displacement won't work in a basement/Especially when I'm not with you
Amazing. I like Vampire Weekend a whole lot. I used to go to grad school with Ezra. He sat right next to me in a delightful striped sweater one Saturday each month. That's my claim to fame and the only name-dropping I'll do on this blog. Except for the thing about David Bowie and the treadmill. My friends who went to school with these guys actually know Bryn and say she's a cool chick. I just think the song has a nice thing going on with the guitar, and it's simple enough to be a good foil to all those sappy love songs. Sub-genre? Hipster-Basement-Guys-Love-Girls Rock.
6. "Chelsea" - Stefy
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1RMCuIUB9c
What this song says: She called me while you were kissin'/So I could hear what I was missin'
Brutal, this chick Chelsea. Here is the sub-genre of what I like to call chick hate rock/pop. I mean, guys write it too. A great example would be most of Jet's songs. Stefy is a South-American born girl with a good backup band, and they know how to work a synth.
7. "Emily" - Bowling for Soup
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewD6GHRLBnM
What this song says: I got cast outside on my ass/So I hooked up with a model from Singapore
Ha. I pretend this song was written for me sometimes. Forgive me for putting some loud pseudo-punky Bowling for Soup on here (even though I know everyone listened to Sum 41 in high school), but I gotta give a shout-out to my nomenclature. This represents the sub-genre of I'm-Pretending-That-I-Hate-You-But-Deep-Down-I-Dig-You Rock. It might hurt your ears, though. These guys tried so hard to follow the Blink-182 movement. So hard.
8. "Angie" - The Rolling Stones
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMkFjYRWM4M
What it says: You can't say we're satisfied/But Angie...everywhere I look I see your eyes
Dude, Jagger was the man. I used to hate this song. I thought it was whiney and mopey. But as I grew to appreciate whole repertoires of bands like The Stones, I have to love Angie. Quintessential I-Love-You-But-We-Won't-Work-Out Rock.
9. "Adeline" - Built By Animals
Have a listen: Go see them when they play a show. Check out their website.
What this song says: This song was explained to me once. Don't know who Adeline is, but how cool is it to have a song written about you, Adeline, and you never know it? I wonder if I have a song written about me somewhere that I don't know about. Right now it's sitting squarely in a similar category to "Bryn," but I like the sound of this guy a lot better. "Bryn" is sweet; "Adeline" is a little bit sad and I like that. So I'd call it Saw-Her-And-Missed-Her Music.
10. "Brandy" - Looking Glass
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU
What this songs says: He made it clear that he could not stay/No harbor was his home
Oh, Brandy. You were such a fine girl. But you weren't fine enough for the sailors of the sea, especially that one jerk that gave you a silver braided chain from Spain and left you on your ass back in the harbor. Poor Brandy. Maybe she's not a ho. But any chick that serves all that liquor to lonely sailors and lures them in with her eyes probably is. Sub-genre, as you may have guessed, is I-Think-You're-Really-Hot-But-I-Have-A-Boat, Motherfucker Rock. So long, Brandy.
*This is very similar to "Angie" in terms of message, except it's not speaking sung in 1st person, and it's not exactly mourning the fact that Brandy and her sailor-man didn't work out.
11. "Julie's in the Drug Squad" - The Clash
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etq5AEbT9sI
What it says: Sooner or later, you're gonna realize/That Julie's been working for the drug squad
Hey, that would suck, right? When you think you know a girl, and everything's cool, but really she's a big narc. Similar to songs that preach about girls who seemed one way and then after awhile, turns out those girls sucked bigtime. Well, Julie doesn't suck; she just has another job that interferes with The Clash. Good job Julie. We'll call this, Thought-I-Knew-That-Bitch rock.
12. "Miss Alissa" - Eagles of Death Metal
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yr1-BBMaMA
What it says: You know I try so hard/But I think you don't see/'Cos I'm movin' so fast/We call it rock and rollin'
Oh this song. This song is a treat. The Eagles of Death Metal, first of all, are wholly under-appreciated in my opinion. Sub-genre: Notice-Me-Girl. Listen to it, and you'll get the idea. Ever need a song to work out to? Here's your answer.
13. "Fiona" - The Low Life
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QR61HdHCSKo
What it says: I love you so/But you act like such a ho
Isn't that always the case? This falls into the I-Wish-I-Didn't-Like-Her-But-I-Do box. Fiona...wasn't that also the name of the chick in "Eurotrip"? I don't know a nice Fiona, except Fiona Apple, and even she sang about how she was screwing over dudes. This has a nice jam band/reggae vibe going with it. Don't know what ever happened to these guys; I started listening to this Virginia band in college (technically Washington DC). They're not signed, but they're good. Influences clearly include Sublime.
14. "Bette Davis Eyes" - Kim Carnes
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPOIS5taqA8
What is says: She knows just what it takes/To make a pro blush
If I could sing like this chick, I would. She has the perfect raspy voice. This is one of those weird third-person narrated songs that a chick sings about another chick, telling a guy about a feature of a girl. I give it an A. Pretty sure they didn't get an opinion on the video, because it's mad weird. Does Kim Carnes really need that whole backup band?
15. "Lola" - The Kinks
Have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixqbc7X2NQY
What it says: Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand/Why she walks like a woman/And talks like a man
This song is fantastic and will always be a classic. I feel weird categorizing The Kinks, 'cause they're weird, and so's this song. I'm going to go ahead and place it in the I'm-Infatuated category.
You'll notice I left out classics like "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds." Songs that are about other things and use girl names as symbols were typically left outta this playlist.
Got some suggestions? Leave em in the comments box BRO.
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