Ah, the holidays...that special time of year when musicians get generous and create b-sides and special albums to celebrate cold weather and good cheer.
So this time, the playlist is all the best holiday songs created by (mostly rock & roll) greats. Some are covers, some are originals, some are just weird - but they're all holiday-oriented.
And because it's that special time of year, I gave you 25 wild and wacky Christmas songs to bring a special tear to your eye and skip to your step. Kwanzaa songs: I'm gonna be real, they were hard to find. Most of them featured small children singing. Nothing against kids, I mean, I teach them all day, but the good news is I did get a Hanukkah song. But yes, for the most part, they're Christmas songs. Think of them as holiday songs, for now.
1. "Father Christmas" by The Kinks
Here you go: come dancing!
This is honestly a little scary in terms of videos I've seen, but then again, it's The Kinks. In case you missed it, I'm not including lyrics in this edition, because, for the most part, they're all covers. But THIS one isn't. "Father Christmas" used to come on the radio back in the day, and I remember, I'd be jamming to the usual carols and covers stations would play...and this gem would arrive. "If you got what I want, a machine gun/So I can scare all the kids on the street" is a classic line. Does it get better? The Kinks also encourage Santa to "give all the toys/to the little rich boys." I guess? This video is in typical Kinks fashion, complete with blinking lights. Ever want to know what it feels like to trip your face off? Here's your chance.
2. "Great Big Sled" by The Killers
Here you is: elf video
Oh, The Killers. I have a not-so-secret thing for Mr. Flowers. "Great Big Sled" is another non-cover, which is regrettable because I bet these boys would do a mean rendition of "Joy To the World" or something of that nature. However, the video is retro and cool, and part of the reason this song made it on the list. I also appreciate ingenuity. And the way his face looks.
Not surprisingly, there's lots of Killers-esque gratuitous "guitar playing" (read: strumming one chord over and over) and extensive synth in the background. But I still think this beats "Don't Shoot Me Santa," their other Christmas song. And at least the chords are power chords. Give it 10 years; The Killers are gonna be on 2020's "Monster Ballads" CD that they sell on Time Life infomercials.
3. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by Amy Winehouse
Here you is: mummy lays a big one on the big guy
Maybe mummy? I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus? Amy Winehouse is such a wreck, but she does sing real nice. It's just a great thing to hear someone with that '50s style rock n' roll thing going on cover an old-timey song.
4. "All I Want For Christmas (Is You)" by My Chemical Romance
Here you go: oh, they're so good, but so weird.
Mariah, psh. Push over homegirl. Make room for your emo friends, My Chemical Romance. Black lipstick and the holidays are just so compatible.
The sheer irony of them singing this just puts them on the list. You really think this is all they want for Christmas? Picture Mariah singing it WITH them.
5. "The Hanukkah Song" by Adam Sandler
Here you go: it's hard to find songs about Hanukkah covered by other people.
You really need an explanation? Classic.
6. "Please Come Home for Christmas" by The Eagles
Here you is: I give you the Bon Jovi version, featuring Cindy Crawford
Oh Jon Bon Jovi, or Don Henley? Both have that delightful lost-boy look in their eyes. Both want you to come home for Christmas (that means YOU, Cindy Crawford). I tried my hardest to find the true Eagles video, but it apparently doesn't exist. So you'll have to settle for Bon Jovi. Blues don't get better. Well, they do, but not with this '90s cheese factor, or Don Henley's Boys of Summer croon.
7. "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" by Fall Out Boy
Here ya go: video viddy video
Fall Out Boy rocks around the Christmas tree with this guy. I consider this to be more of pagan holiday song since technically it's got Yule in it. I guess they just finished listening to Don Henley, because Pete Wentz says, "Don't come home for Christmas/ You're the last thing I wanna see." Well. Touching. But catchy.
8. "Christmas Rap" by Run DMC
Here you is: christmas in hollis
Leave it to Run DMC - the DNA of all rap, the archetypal band for hip-hop - to come up with the best Christmas rap that exists...and possibly, the only Christmas rap that exists.
Here they proudly pronounce the yuletide spirit mixed with New York groove:
"Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it
It's Christmas time and we got the spirit
Jack Frost chillin', the orchas out?
And that's what Christmas is all about
The time is now, the place is here
And the whole wide world is filled with cheer"
My question, though, is what the hell is an "orcha"? Did I just hear that shit wrong?9. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen & the E-Street Band
Here you go: merry Bossmas
Brucey, baby, thank you for this. Thank you for all your New Jersey goodness and pride in the American dream. Thank you, specifically, for not writing your own Christmas songs (they would probably be like, "My Blue (Jean) Christmas" or "Stars and Stripes Roasting on an Open Fire").
Springsteen represents something in all of us that still believes in an American flag, and fighting for rights, and working in coal mines, and wearing blue jeans. Whatever that means. Still, he rocks the house when it's time. This is "Born to Run" with snow and jingle bells.
10. "So This is Christmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon
Here you is: video
Leave it to a Beatle. And good for Lennon for throwing in some anti-war propaganda into a Christmas song. And are those kids singing "hari krishna" in the background? Hallelujah? What's happening? I like it.
11. "Last Christmas" by WHAM!
Here you giz-o: 1984 called, wants its video back
First, hahahahahahaha. Like SARS, WHAM! has never, ever stopped being funny.
Second, another example of how Billboard Top 10 list is a weird, weird product of the people. But still, who sings this better than George Michael? I'm not even hating, not even a little bit; I play "Freedom '90" on a pretty regular rotation.
Third, it's funny to see George Michael making eyes at a special lady in this video and looking all coy about it. Ok, ok, he was a sex symbol. I'll give him that. But playing in the snow with that girl with the 'fro? By a barn? Who is he trying to be...The Boss!?
12. "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses
hereeee: waiting
These guys also sang a weirdly hypnotic hit single, "I Know What Boys Like," in the early '80s. Killer tune that got its hook remixed by Jay-Z. This is quite possibly my favorite song on this whole list. Don't know who The Waitresses are? They were an experimental "New Wave" band from Akron, Ohio. Patty Donahue and her sick vocals give life to their songs and also that characteristic "uhhhh" sound to everything. Fun fact about "I Know What Boys Like" is that it was originally released in 1980 and didn't even chart. Magically, in 1982, it hit #62 on the Billboard 100 and broke into the Top 20 on the Top Tracks. This band also wrote the theme song for the show "Square Pegs," featuring SJP.
Now who wants to play 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon?
13. "Christmas All Over Again" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Here you is: watch it again, and again, and again...
When it comes to Christmas, "The Waiting Is the Hardest Part," right? Ha. Ha.
Tom Petty doesn't disappoint with this guy. It's one of those songs you hear on the radio only at Christmastime and kinda forget about afterwards (also, it's not Christmastime anymore so it doesn't make sense). In predictable Tom Petty fashion, he sings about broken-heartedness (shocker) and being let down by some chick. But it's a good tune. It's just sad that Tom doesn't even get lucky at Christmas.
14. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by James Taylor
Here you is: touching
There's really nothing to say here except James Taylor a) is a badass and b) does the best rendition of this song, even better than any of the Rat Pack or Bing Crosby or ANYONE. It's just sweet, and that's how it should be.
15. "Oi to the World" by No Doubt
Here you is: joy? to the world?
Also sung by The Vandals, this song rocks by Gwen. Gwen in her glory days, before she married hot Gavin of Bush and had a million (2) babies. She's still hot, and she's still kickin', but Gwen will never be the same as she was back in the Forbidden Kingdom days, when I'd ride home from school with my entire carpool wishing I knew every word to "Spiderwebs." I like the vibe this song's got, and it's not quite a cover, not quite a remake, not quite its own entity. So, let us give thanks.
16. "Someday at Christmas" by the Jackson 5
Here you go: stare at this delightful Jackson montage.
I am devoted to the Jackson 5, and not just because MJ (RIP) is no longer with us. I chose this over the Stevie Wonder version because their dancing skills are better than Stevie's (I realize that SW is blind, yes) and I just love love love MJ's boyish soprano.
17. "I Won't Be Home for Christmas" by Blink-182
Hereeeeee: i'd be home for blink
What is it with my alt-rock boys hating on Christmas? First Blink, then Fall Out Boy. Chronologically, anyway. Not a shocker that Mark, Tom, or Travis won't be home for Christmas - they're probably all off inhaling helium somewhere, playing in their side bands and being awesome like usual. Oh but the things I would do for Blink to dial back old-school and make another CD.
18. "Christmas" by The Who
HERE: tommy
The Who is untouchable. "Tommy" is a weird show, but this song is one you don't hear a whole lot, and its sheer proximity to the other songs in "Tommy," like "Pinball Wizard," makes it hot by association.
19. "Jingle Bell Rock" by Hall & Oates
Heeereeee: private eyes are watching you
This is a cover. I repeat: this is a cover. Covers are good, but why didn't I put the Amy Grant version of this guy - yep, the one that was featured in "Home Alone" - in here? What got it onto the 25 hot list of cool songs? The fact that H&O are providing us with the vocals.
Other notable hits by Hall & Oates:
1. Your Kiss (Is On My List)
2. Private Eyes (Are Watching You)
3. (She's a) Rich Girl
Why some many parentheses, boys? Why? What are you trying to tell us?
20. "Another Lonely Christmas" by Prince
Heylo: here's some kid's link, with this song.
Prince has changed his name so many times it makes my head spin, but that only makes him more eligible for this list. I'm not sure why he's lonely, considering despite his ridiculously androgynous exterior he is an undisputed global sex symbol.
21. "Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" by The Decemberists
Hi: amazon was the only legit link i could find.
I love me some Decemberists. Their name makes this even better. I mean, get it? December? Christmas? Holidays?
Typically The Decemberists stick to pretty minimal song titles, so this is very Fall Out Boyish of them. It's a funny song, and Colin Meloy's front vocals are so piercing and eloquent that you can't help but listen. Plus, the guitarist's name is Chris (like Christmas) Funk. The guy's name is FUNK.
22. "A Change at Christmas (Say It Isn't So)" by The Flaming Lips
Hey, watch this: it is so.
The Flaming Lips apparently formed way back in '83. They were named by Q Magazine as one of the "50 Bands to See Before You Die." In like fashion, this is one of "50 Songs You Should Hear Before You Die/Celebrate the New Year." Wayne Coyne has a cool name (right?) and this song is a traditional Flaming Lips arrangement of Christmas psychedelica and layered instruments and vocals.
23. "Christmas Must Be Tonight" by The Band
Oh, here's a video: i love the band. the end.
I think it's so funny when songs announce facts like this. Like someone would really be sitting at dinner somewhere and look around be and be like, "Oh, shit. Christmas. That's tonight. THAT'S what everyone is so geared up about, and THAT'S why all those lights are hanging. Motherfucker. My wife's gonna be pissed."
Maybe The Band, since they are amazing and great, didn't mean it quite as tongue-in-cheek as I made it. But it's still funny, and since the season is about giving, thank you, men of The Band, for giving this to me.
24. "Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis" by Tom Waits
Keep the change, you filthy animal: round yon virgin, mother and child
Oh, Tom Waits. Ever since "Rain Dogs," I have loved you so. This only makes me love you more. I don't think anyone, literally, anyone, could successfully merge "Silent Night" with a ballad about a hooker in Minnesota.
Tom Waits has a very - VERY - distinctive voice. One critic described his voice as sounding “like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months and then taken outside and run over with a car." As for the actual music, his own wife, Kathleen, divided his songs into two groups, "the grim reapers and the grand weepers." And, of his own troubles with drugs, alcohol, and the like, Tom reports:
It wasn't a cool thing...[i]t was a frightening thing. I mean, I thought I was mentally ill, that maybe I was retarded. I'd put my hand on a sheet like this [rubbing his shirt] and it'd sound like sandpaper. Or a plane going by.'
Well, thanks Tom. So I hope that clarifies a little of this song, and where it comes from. I'm less happy to report that Tom is now a teetotaler and writing songs that make the Vatican happy. But let's be real, his face is all over NYC scaffolding right now blowing glitter everywhere.
25. "Here It Is Christmas Time" by The Old '97's
The Old '97's rock. First of all, their name rocks. Second of all, this is a great song to end the lineup, because the Old 97's don't get nearly enough airplay. So I'm relying on what psychology dubs the "Latency Effect," which is the proven fact that people remember best those things they see last (yes, there's also the "Recency Effect," but forget that for now). It's happy, it's jolly, it's everything a holiday tune should be. And it's very to the point - Here. It. Is. Christmas. Time. Woot.
So, ye children, one and all, there ye have it.
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