The other night, I was at band practice in Williamsburg. Go ahead and make all the irrelevant comments you want about hipsters in the 'Burg, because these guys are nice guys and play sick music and when they're famous, you're gonna be all "Oh, well B wrote about them and sang back-up for them!" and I'm gonna be like, "Yeah, suck it."
So, like I was saying, I was on the other side of the East River. That is where I found myself late last Tuesday. Typically, I'd walk to the subway, but let's be real. It was 11 PM, on a Tuesday, it was misting outside, I'd had a glass of wine, I was tired, did I mention it was misting, the subway seemed like it was miles away [6 blocks], etc.
Therefore, I opted to take a cab.
I walked to Metropolitan Ave., which is about a block from what I call "the performance space." First stroke of luck: a cab appeared. Right away.
My face fell as I realized the "Off Duty" light was on.
Let me tell you a little something about NYC cabs that I didn't get until I'd lived here. First, don't hail the black gypsy cabs, because those are silly. Second, only hail cabs that have their lights on. Third, if the off-duty light is on, there's like a 5% chance you'll get picked up (and those chances plummet when you're alone, in Brooklyn, in the rain, at 11 PM).
But you know what? He stopped. And I looked at the guy, and I sized him up to see who this dude was that not only stopped, but stopped for me when he was off-duty. I mean I didn't look that good. I looked like I was going to go join the army - I had on some big cargo coat, a hat, some boots, it was a big mess. G.I. Jane in Williamsburg.
I jumped in the cab and said thanks, then told him where I was going (right across the bridge). He said I was welcome, and then delved immediately into Chinese astrology. Oh yes, that's right, Chinese astrology. Do you know about Chinese astrology? Let me tell you about Chinese astrology.
In case you can't read that, go here: http://www.kkdiscount.com/astrology.htmSo, basically, depending on the year in which you were born, you have a sign. My sign happens to be the rat. I'm not really a fan of the animal choices here. The only pretty ones are the horse, and why have a pig AND a boar? Ok and the rabbit is kind of cute. The dragon is straight-up fictional. Now that I'm looking at it, the dog is cool too. Maybe the monkey. I realize that these were animals (are the animals?) most relevant to Chinese culture. I do. I get that. But who wants to be a rat?
Apparently, Sal. My cab driver. Or, more specifically, he wants to be with a rat. And that rat was me.
Sal proceeded to tell me all about my sign as if his cab was a tarot card booth. He told me that I'm hard-headed and quick-thinking, and that I need to know things right away. He also told me other vast amounts of remarkably vague information that could apply to absolutely anything. He took about 5 minutes, or as long as it took us to get to the Williamsburg Bridge, entertaining me with his knowledge of the Chinese Zodiac that he essentially regurgitated from a book that he kept on his dashboard.
I've never had a problem talking. Not in my life. In fact, I get told I talk too much. I now know what that must feel like - to be talked TO too much.
Sal then directed the conversation to his favorite topic other than me: himself. Did I know Sal had earned 3 degrees in Pakistan? No. Did I know he was FROM Pakistan? Well, now that you mention it, that makes sense since you earned 3 degrees there. Did you say you were trying to transfer your credits so you could go to Columbia journalism school, Sal? This guy was incredible. He was also a model in Pakistan. I had hit the proverbial jackpot. I mean this, not even a little bit sarcastically. I had a good-looking, smart, exotic man driving my car. Fate and karma were already on our side. He had extensive knowledge of the Chinese zodiac and pretty much knew me before he knew me. Crazy right. I have enough trouble getting guys who DO know me to know me, and Sal, well, he knew me right off the bat.
Deep thought: WTF does that expression even mean, right off the bat? It sounds abusive.
So, 12 minutes and much karma-related talk later, Sal arrived at my front door. He shared with me that tripling our cosmic connection was the fact that he wasn't even supposed to DRIVE that night, he had simply taken over the shift for his buddy. So basically, he was fatedly fated to meet me. That, my friends, is called serendipity. Also, he knew we were meant to be because the only other person he'd felt this strongly about was his cousin, who he dated, who now resides in Canada. He explained to me that this was acceptable in his religion, which I took at his word. Yet I felt a little strange that he compared me to his cousin that he made out with.
Sal told me he felt sad that he'd gained weight since coming to America, but he knew that, as a rat, I'd understand him, since he was a pig. I tried not to laugh at the double entendre. He was positive he'd re-assume his model good looks in no time (not gonna lie, he was attractive even so, just super creepy). I felt bad thinking he was creepy, though, until he started telling me more about myself and the types of relationships I was in. I lied and said I was in one, and of course Sal told me that I was incompatible with a tiger. Dique a tiger. WTF. If Sal really KNEW me, he'd know I was lying, but is that gonna hurt my karma? Is karma like a credit score?
I eventually let Sal breathe and put down his Chinese zodiac guidebook when I stopped his incessant talking to let him know I had to get out of the car. He looked forlorn and asked if I wanted to be his facebook friend. I did hesitate, and I think that earned me at least 3 karma points. I did not, however, accept. Because that would suck me into the karma vortex and no one needs that. I have enough weird things happen to me.
Last night, the guy that drove me home told me the smile on my face would bring me good karma. Good enough.
SONGS to dizownload:
"Sink Into Me" - Taking Back Sunday (angry music, maybe. a little softer than they used to be? sure, but so is George Clooney, and he's still smokin')
"Girlfriend" - Phoenix (off the new album, siiiiiiick)
"Boys In the Hood" - Dynamite Hack (hysterical)
1 comments:
i am sal.
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