this is also funny

G was "deficient" for her MA, so she has to take this course during the year while the rest of us are all graduates.

What follows is her manifesto.

Contemporary Global Literature
February 5, 2009

A Recommended Approach to Publishing Internet Photos

Each day our society grows increasingly global. In past societies, an individual could remain in his or her own culture for the duration of a lifetime, without expanding or changing perspectives. Yet, as the developing ties between cultures grow more and more intricate, individuals become true international citizens. Their lives contribute to a global landscape.
We achieved such interrelatedness primarily through the internet. Anyone can find information about his or her global neighbor with several quick keystrokes. People divulge and ascertain personal details of the lives of others at rapid speed. In consequence, each individual must carefully monitor his or her self-representation in the digital age. This is particularly crucial in the realm of digital photography. When individuals create and publish their personal photo albums through email and social networks such as Facebook, they should take care to follow these five requisites:
I. Expect family members and potential employers to view your pictures.
II. Avoid posting photos where you are clearly attempting to appear alluring.
III. Do not use pictures as a chance to impress others.
IV. Avoid repeating unique outfits in photos.
V. Do not write captions unless you are secure in your wit and it has been validated by witty friends

I. Expect family members and potential employers to view your pictures.

The internet is vast and measureless. It follows that a vast and measureless public peruses it for information and entertainment. As such, it is plausible – even likely – that your internet photos will be viewed by parties whom you do not anticipate.
Families love their members. They will be on the lookout for any and all data pertaining to their whereabouts and well-being. This includes photos where children, nieces and nephews dance inappropriately, drink heavily, or stay out past curfew. Some of the most skilled of internet photo-fiends derived methods of maintaining online communication while hiding these compromising photos from family members through second screen names or private albums. These individuals are the few and skilled. Most do better to merely avoid posting any photos they do not wish Aunt Laurie or Gramps to see.
Today’s employers have the capacity to be infinitely choosy in selecting new workers. They may be less than inspired by an applicant whose photos albums include “Boozing with my Boys” and “Crunked in Cancun!” The ancients followed the adage, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Today’s dress code extends into the World Wide Web. Frequently employers will scour the internet to recruit or find background information on applicants. One must put his or her best foot forward at all times by posting only the most respectable and demure photos of him or herself as an eager and motivated intellectual. To achieve this goal, you may include an album consisting solely of photos of yourself holding your favorite Russian novels. Or you may wish to volunteer at an animal shelter for an afternoon to document your kind heart. At the very least, you must either wear glasses or stand near a recognizable monument in several of your photos.

II. Avoid posting photos where you are clearly attempting to appear alluring.
In today’s global society, the beautiful people are omnipresent. One might see these Adonises and Aphrodites in the media, in movies, or through social networking sites. They appear to remind us that there will always be those whose hair is a bit shinier, or whose sneakers match their outfits a bit more than our own.
As such, any attempts to impress the global community with “alluring” photos of oneself are futile. For every kissy-face picture one publishes online, dozens of photos exist where people merely stand nonchalantly – and look better. The vast majority cannot successfully exude cyber-appeal, and their chances decrease significantly when they attempt to do so. When a picture is posted of an individual, and it is apparent that his or her intention is to overwhelm the viewer with an image of shocking good-looks, it contrasts the millions of other images of true and casual beauty. To avoid looking like you are treading beauty water, take care to include multiple photos of yourself with your ponytail falling out or shirttails untucked along with the more glamorous ones. This will signify your acceptance of your imperfect appearance and elicit empathy from your viewer.
Furthermore, and to breach a peripheral yet related topic, labeling oneself as “sexy” or “hottie” in an internet handle is merely challenging the world to find his or her flaws. If you cannot eliminate those thoughts completely from your head, at least eliminate them from your internet moniker.

III. Do not use pictures as a chance to impress others.
Frequently internet photo-posters’ desire to keep up with the Jones’ leads them to publish albums intended to impress the audience with how much fun they can have, or how impressive they are. They nearly always fail in this endeavor.
Truly impressive and fun people, in other texts referred to as “the ancients”, made little note of how impressive and fun they were. They simply went about their own lives as if life was meant to be lived and not blogged. While in our society this is no longer the case, one should still follow the lead of these poised individuals by not using the internet as a bragging ground. One’s pictures provide a poor tribute to one’s zest for living. Instead of serving as opportunities to prove something to the public, photos should capture and recall the fun you had in real life.
Plus, these photos do not usually achieve the intended goal. No one can truly grasp just how close you were to the stage at the concert, nor do they get a sense of how insanely upbeat you were as you danced with your friends. Even if they are able to sense the greatness of your experience, they are viewing the photos from the comfort of their own desk chair. It is likely at that time they have no wish to be in such a social and crowded situation. In which case, they will not be impressed by your fun. They may pity you.

IV. Avoid repeating unique outfits in photos.
One may have a favorite scarf or flattering dress he or she likes to wear often. But on each occasion he or she wears the item, they run the chance that it will be digitally documented and published for the world to see. There are only so many photos where viewers will accept a favorite scarf or flattering dress before they rebel. This matter speaks for itself, and no more need be said.

V. Do not write captions unless you are secure in your wit and it has been validated by witty friends.
Should your pictures adhere to the aforementioned guidelines, one may wish to include captions to describe the appropriate, plain, fun-ish, distinct-outfitted scene. In this instance, it is imperative that the accompanying comments qualify as entertaining, accurate, thought-provoking, and heartwarming, all at once. Had ancients lived in this globalized world, they would have written precisely this caliber of caption. Many contemporaries have not accomplished this daunting feat without missteps along the way. Only those who are routinely lauded for their witty banter and clever repartee need attempt to create such captions.
Individuals who do not feel confident they can succeed in this endeavor are advised to stay the course by simply labeling the subjects and location of their pictures. This clear and straightforward approach will help viewers find the main idea of the photo without the added mental anguish of attempting to decode an ill-advised inside joke. When a matter of caption-writing arises, take no shame in simplicity.

In today’s globalized world, your internet persona too often precedes you. Everyone, from relatives to employers, from high school crushes to current beaus, from childhood neighbors to complete strangers, could potentially stumble onto your internet information. They may try using this information to form an image of what you stand for and represent. Following these guidelines ensures you do not allow a few misguided photo decisions carve an online reputation you do not wish to have.